Real World, Real Problems

This post really has no purpose other than to feel sorry for myself and rant a bit, so just hear me out. haha

When I met Henry I had a whole different life planned out for myself. They always say though, "Life happens when you're making plans". That sure did happen with me! I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world, but it definitely has not turned out one bit the way I envisioned. 

I ended up leaving my entire family in Houston to move to Henry's hometown near Fort Worth. I opted out of pursuing my ideal career to get married and take a month long honeymoon. Such a terrible trade, right? haha. Now yes my alternate plans included becoming a successful business woman. Instead I have become a wife, a soon-to-be mom, and world traveler. haha. I have done things with Henry I didn't really prioritize doing in my "ideal" previous life. We have travelled to Colorado numerous times (love it there!), Vegas numerous times, Tennessee, Michigan, Greece, Italy, England, USVI, then countless roadtrips. I can't say I have much to complain about. 

I ended up giving up my amazing job to work in the "family" business as Henry's Finance Manager. The ironic part of this, I use to help Space Center Houston/NASA in their finance department. I remember them asking me on numerous occasions to switch my Biology major to a Finance major so I could work for them after graduation. I always told them no, that I didn't see myself doing finance for the rest of my life....and here I am....doing finance. HA! 

With a baby on the way it has even made finance work for the company difficult, especially with an office assistant that recently has become extremely unreliable on her ability to show up on time or stay an entire day, or get anything done without an error. We have about 3 weeks until Coraline is due and we have been kind of rushing around figuring out what we are going to do to ensure I don't have to tote a newborn back and forth to that dusty, dirty, hazardous construction office. Most pregnant women around this time are getting ready to take their maternity leave. You don't get maternity leave when you own your own business. 

Either way we are making due and have had a few wonderful people help us figure out remote log ins and various things to help out. But like I said before, I don't see myself doing finance for the rest of my life either. I don't mind help managing the office from a distance to ensure no one is stealing from us (happened with the last two secretaries) and that things run smoothly. No one cares about your business more than you. I also didn't ever picture myself being a stay at home mom. However, with Henry inconsistently working in town, I do not want a stranger raising our kids either. 

I mentioned to Henry a local business that was hiring part-time. This is a company I adore and love going in their shop to browse. I mentioned the possibility of me working for them part-time after Coraline is born. It would be such a fun job, doing something I love, giving me some "me time", and allowing me to make a little of my own on the side to do with what I want. Henry's sister even volunteered to babysit Coraline for me so I could go off and enjoy the part-time job without worrying about a stranger watching our baby. I mean I have given up A LOT to go with Henry's plans and dreams, so I figured he would be supportive of this one little tiny "me" request. When he laughed at me and said no I couldn't do it, that was a hobby and not a job, I about had a pregnancy meltdown on a whole different level. Instead I took a deep breath, bit my tongue and dropped the whole conversation. Hell, I will do it regardless of his support or not. He is rarely in town anyway. It wasn't worth the fight, but it was heartbreaking that he dismissed it just because it didn't sound interesting to him.

I can honestly say I feel extremely trapped and limited in this small town. I am not use to the lack of amenities Houston had to offer. I love the connections that come with a small town, but sometimes I feel like I can't breath living here. 

I absolutely can't wait until Coraline is born because it will give me a legitimate excuse to go into the "city" haha. I look forward to ballet recitals or volleyball tournaments or track meets - doing fund-raisers, bake sales, etc. I look forward to being that pro-active mom that helps her daughter out wherever she will allow me without being smothering (I mean I will try not to smother her). I know I will always continue to help Henry out in the company as much as possible, I just don't trust anyone else to handle the finances and accounts. People see these large checks come in and see dollar signs and their own problems. They don't see the bills, invoices and payroll that those checks have to go toward. I don't mind telling people no and being the bad person for Henry, but other people won't care. So to have a small part-time job aside from helping Henry's company and raising kids would be amazing to me. It would make me feel like I truly had something for ME.

 I would finally be doing something for me, myself and no one else. 

I just wish Henry would be more supportive. :-/ Hopefully he will come around.